How to Deal With a Girlfriend with A Higher Sex Drive Than Yours –


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Couples of all sorts frequently encounter hurdles in their relationship, be they physical, emotional, or mental. Few things can be more frustrating for a relationship, however, than dealing with a girlfriend who has a higher sex drive than you. So what exactly should a couple do when they run into this problem, and what common pitfalls should they avoid?

Sex is a natural and healthy part of any human relationship, but the differences in you and your partner’s preferences may drive you over the edge if they’re not properly managed. By following the advice below, you can overcome some of the challenges facing you and your girlfriend in and out of the bedroom.

Discussing your relationship openly.

The first step toward solving any problem in the bedroom is by approaching it openly and honestly, which means you and your girlfriend will need to set some time apart to be together and go over your differences in private. Establishing free time to talk in a place where you’re both comfortable is a must before you can hope to iron out the wrinkles in your relationship.

It’s perfectly normal to have different preferences, even large ones, with your couple when it comes to the bedroom. The natural solution to many of the problems encountered in most relationships is to establish what your differences are first, and then to finely delineate between both of your needs and your wants. For your relationship to thrive well into the future, one partner’s wants cannot impede on another’s needs.

It can be easy for couples to resort to the blame game, or to take issues like this, which revolve around sexuality, far too personally. Be sure that you and your partner both understand that a situation such as this can be uncomfortable, but that there’s no need for spiteful words or thoughts, as you’re only trying to genuinely clean up a dark spot in your relationship.

If you think your difference in the bedroom could be an indicator of broader problem or problems in your relationship, don’t be afraid to bring it up for fear of loss. Talking to one another honestly and freely when it comes to intimate issues like this is a must if you’re to build empathy, which is needed for any loving relationship to last.

Sync your sex drives.

Getting the stars to align in the bedroom is by no means easy, but by taking some steps to sync your sex drives, you and your partner can get on the same page as one another. This may mean taking some extra time to plan your schedules – if you’re both intensely busy with work or school, for instance, it’s vitally important that you block off both personal time and time spent with your partner so you can both recharge and connect.

Sex therapists have already harped heavily on the benefits of syncing your sex drives, which can increase libido if one partner isn’t feeling comfortable or help another, overly-eager partner temper their urges. An individual’s sexuality is almost always an intricately complicated thing, so don’t be afraid to unpack your preferences with your girlfriend in detail (provided you’re both comfortable with it) to strengthen the bond between the two of you.

A necessary part of this is taking what your partners says at face value – if they say they’re not in the mood, it should be understood that you shouldn’t be pushing the issue. Make this clear to both parties in the relationship so that no one is being unfairly forced into something they don’t want to do, or feel as if they have to meet their partner’s higher sex drive out of an obligation to them.

There’s much more to the female sex drive than mere hormones, something a surprisingly large amount of partners can forget. Take some time to educate yourself with reliable information outside of the bedroom to better bridge the gap between you inside of it.

Recognize that some divides can’t be bridged.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when dealing with differing sex drives between partners is that some people are simply different than others, and your preferences may be irreconcilable with your partners. This doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship, of course – by compromising based on the specifics of your situation, you can settle on a schedule where you get the best of both worlds, and both partners make a sacrifice for the benefit of the other.

Maintaining an open and honest partnership where one partner isn’t doing something unhappily out of obligation is critical for your relationship to thrive.

A girlfriend with a higher sex drive than you don’t spell the end of your time together – it just means you need to sit down and work out the differences to enjoy your time in the bedroom all the more.

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Why I Remain Single –


Choosing to stay single may not meet others’ expectations, but for me, it’s for the best.

 

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him,” Genesis Chapter 2: Verse 18.

Once again, I endured another Valentine’s Day. This so-called holiday continues as my big sister’s birthday and nothing more. Dear God, I want to remain single forever. As Billy Joel sang, “I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life. Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone.

Love is a Darwinian minefield. For some of us, there is no happily ever after or harlequin storyline.

For a Southern guy, to stay single into his forties is simply unacceptable to his family. As a guy without a wife, I may as well be an alien from outer space. While visiting family while in college, I received a not so subtle message from my mother when she said, upon my arrival home, “Grandchildren now!” Marriage is right of passage that my relatives expect when making the transition into adulthood. It is an important element of our society’s cultural DNA.

Families serve as the cornerstone of our country’s stability. The research regarding the benefits of marriage has inundated the popular media; there seems to be an endless number of scientifically proven reasons why we should marry. Studies have shown that getting hitched is good for men’s health. Married people outlive their single counterparts, and married men earn 10 to 40 percent more than similar unmarried ones. The facts overwhelm me and I cannot stand to look at another report or paper. The road to romance has advantages because romantic prowess leads to survival of the fittest.

Love is a Darwinian minefield. For some of us, there is no happily ever after or harlequin storyline. Like any other conflict, there are victors, villains, and victims. For some of us, it is very rare to hear the romantic bells and whistles. There is no one plucking a harp or playing a saxophone to set the tender mood. There is no lady in my life frolicking through a meadow like a ballerina from the Washington Ballet. Life strips away all of the dreamy, starry-eyed delusions that can cloud one’s mind.

 Despite my skepticism, I am the greatest witness to the power of love, marriage, and relationships.

I do not want to elicit anyone’s pity. I wish I possessed talent as a virtuoso in wooing women. Regardless, pity is the last thing I want. Pity is 95 percent contempt and five percent sympathy. I would rather have your indifference. Nothing substitutes for a woman’s comfort or company. And yet, I will gladly surrender to my solitude, before being bombarded with pity. Anyway, I find this whole situation very suffocating. I need my sphere of personal space.

Speaking of transitions, I am alone but seldom lonely. On a daily basis, I put up with enough noise pollution and rude behavior that seclusion becomes a sanctuary. When I get home and close that door, I decompress from the insanity that takes place outside. The combination of reading, eating red meat and listening to classical music provides solace and great amounts of therapy. I just want to stay in a safe place, so I can be myself.

Marriage is not for everyone. And despite my skepticism, I am the greatest witness to the power of love, marriage, and relationships. Beyond the flowers, cards, and candy, marriage binds a man and woman forever. This most remarkable institution encourages essential values: courage, patience, commitment and unwavering devotion. Beyond the romantic melodies, relationships involve supporting and challenging that special someone with all of their good and bad attributes, through all of their ailments. Marriage requires selflessness and sacrifice.

As life moves on, I can work on becoming a better son, brother, uncle, and friend. When I feel overwhelmed, I can always call upon family and friends. They have forged my community, which provides supportive camaraderie. In life, calm and blissful survival is about finding the beauty in the darkness. Sometimes, you can find the sublime in both the shadows and the sunlight.

◊♦◊

GMP Be the Change

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You Can Be A Devoted Lover To Your Partner AND A Great Parent –


Keeping your marriage alive is important for a strong foundation to any successful family.

By: Donna Begg

Raising kids as a couple takes a lot of time, dedication, and commitment. So does a marriage.

A study shows that 92 percent of married couples had an increase in conflict after the birth of their first child. The study also shows that the conflict only got worse as the child got older with 13 percent already separated or divorced before their children even got older.

Keeping your marriage alive is important for a strong foundation to any successful family. Children thrive on parents who stay together and work at their marriage and are happiest compared to children going through a separation or a divorce.

The following are 9 of some of the best tips on how to stay lovers when you’re parents and keeping your marriage in tip top shape while still raising your children:

1. Make time for each other without the kids. 

As a married couple, the best thing that you can do to continue to grow as lovers and not just as parents raising kids together is to make time for each other without your kids.

Find out about each other all over again and keep that magic alive. Sure, family and parenting are important but so is staying and growing as lovers. The important thing here is to be consistent with taking time to talk and see what is going on for the other person in life.

2. Have conversations that do not reflect family life or work. 

When you make time for each other without your kids, it is important to stay mindful of connecting one-on-one with each other and not falling into the trap of bringing up any topics related to your kids, home life or work. This is a heart-to-heart connection opportunity.

Some good questions to ask each other can be:

  • What movies are you interested in watching?
  • What are your favorite memories from your childhood?
  • What would be your most enjoyable date together, just the two of us?
  • What makes you feel more appreciated and loved?
  • What are your long-term goals? Short-term goals?

3. Compliment each other daily.

Giving each other compliments daily is a great opportunity to let your spouse know that you not only notice them but acknowledge all that they do for the family that you share together.

A compliment goes a long way and requires no effort at all.

4. Read together.

Reading together can be a very intimate experience to grow as lovers and feel more bonded. After the kids have gone to bed, cuddle up together in your own bed and take turns reading. Head to the library or your local book store and pick a book together that peaks both your interest.

If you want to try something exciting, try choosing an erotic book and take turns reading it in bed together. The possibilities are endless.

5. Have a consistent date night.

via GIPHY

Date nights are very important in staying active lovers together. Make sure that you schedule your date nights well in advance each month and stay committed to them.

It can be very beneficial to have weekly date nights without the kids to stay focused on each other. You don’t even need money to schedule a night out together. Stay home and send the kids off to a babysitter. Make each other a priority.

Here are some creative and fun date night ideas:

  • Play together. Studies show that couples who play together are happier together. Find a large field and bring out your inner child and play tag! Or play hide and seek in a forest.
  • Go on a mini road trip to the local town and act like tourists.
  • Have a spa night together. Give each other facials, manicures/pedicures, sensual massages and really enjoy each other’s company. Don’t forget the candles and relaxing music.

6. Choose a hobby to do together. 

The best way to grow as a couple is to learn something together. Find a hobby that you both can enjoy and stay committed to it.

Here are some examples to choose from:

  • Take cooking classes.
  • Go rock climbing.
  • Learn a new language.
  • Go ballroom dancing or any other couples dancing.
  • Write a children’s book together.
  • Learn a musical instrument together.
  • Paint a large canvas together after taking a few painting classes.

7. Become each other’s pen pals. 

Start writing love letters to each other. Letter writing is becoming a thing of the past, a lost art with the current age of technology.

Why not bring it alive by starting a letter writing tradition and even using snail mail to send letters to each other?

8. Have a neutral third party. 

Fights do happen and they can help a couple grow together if worked out sooner than later. Sometimes, things will come up that the both of you can’t resolve. Instead of having it fester and grow, a good solution is to have a third party help you and your spouse resolve things efficiently.

Find a couples counselor who you feel is ideal for your budget and situation. If you are having financial challenges together, a good option can even be a financial advisor who can help you both sort out your finances so you’re both on the same page.

It is always a good idea to find a neutral third party to help you overcome challenges to move forward as a stress-free couple.

9. Forgive, let go, and move forward as a team. 

Learn to forgive each other, let go of past hurts, and move forward not only as a family but as a team. A team sticks together through the ups and downs of life.

When you work together with your spouse by creating ways to build a stronger bond, keeping focused on staying actively in love, and prioritizing time for each other, you will not only have a happy and strong marriage, but your children will experience a healthier upbringing with role models that will teach them how to have successful and nourishing relationships.

Donna Begg is an expert editor, a mentor, analyst and a researcher.

Watch YourTango Experts discuss the secret on how to make your marriage last.

This article originally appeared on YourTango. For more like this from YourTango, try:

The 50 Best Marriage Tips OF ALL TIME (From 50 Marriage Experts)

50 Absolutely PERFECT “I Love You” Quotes That NAIL True Love

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How to Melt the Ice –


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Technically, breaking the ice is easy – all you need to do is open your mouth and say “Hi,” right?! LOL if only. It’s precisely that initial cracking (or croaking?) of the ice that paralyzes us with fear. Fear of rejection, of laughter, of being ignored.

Yet, nine times out of 10, once that ice has been broken everything thereafter seems to glide into place so easily you wonder why you don’t break the ice with strangers more often and, when you do, fret less about it ahead of time.

Breaking the ice has a companion. It’s called melting the ice (AKA breaking the physical barrier). Just like breaking the ice, melting the ice can make your brain turn into a puddle by the self-imposed (and self-defeating) stress anticipating it can create. In theory, breaking the physical barrier is easy as a tap on the hand or knocking of knees but when you’re on a date with a woman you’re attracted to it can be nerve-wracking.

The funny thing is that under normal (e.g. non-romantic) circumstances, melting the ice is a total non-issue. It doesn’t matter so it doesn’t freeze you up. But when you’re on a date, and the stakes are high, you are focused more on the possibility of icy rejection – arm snapping away, cold shoulder or tense back – than the probability of steamy success.

Before I get into ways to melt the ice I want to make sure you know why you need to do it when you’re on a date with a woman you’re into. Just like other forms of flirting, touching helps make the date really feel like a date (versus drinks with a friend or a meal with a colleague). Touching communicates to her—without any words being said—that you are interested in her and it gives her the chance—again, without saying anything explicitly—to communicate her interest too.

Here are some ideas:

Sit next to each other. When I organize dates for my matchmaking clients I like to book a venue that has a bar and I specifically tell the host to sit them there because sitting side by side reduces any obstructions in between them (e.g. the table), makes it difficult for them not to touch shoulders and knees (breaking the physical barrier with no effort—check!) and makes sharing food way easier. Also, you can gauge how interested your date is in you by checking out her body language (the more she’s turned towards you, the more interested she is in you).

If you can’t sit side by side, sitting at a right angle is your next best option. If you have a hard time hearing her or if there’s something you want to share with her but don’t want others to hear (e.g. an observation about a fellow diner) you can lean in, touch her shoulder or arm to bring her in closer, and speak into her ear.

If you are unsure if she’ll be ok with you touching her you can let her know there’s something on her jacket or cheek and ask her if she would like you to get it for her.

Preening is a tried, tested, and true flirting technique so don’t forget to use it. For example, if she has a piece of lint on jacket, an eyelash has fallen on her cheek or some water has fallen on her hand. Don’t just tell her about it; do something about it. If you are unsure if she’ll be ok with you touching her you can let her know there’s something on her jacket or cheek and ask her if she would like you to get it for her.

If you’re talking about the gym why not ask her if you can check out her biceps. It gives you a chance to compliment her on her toned arms and fitness regime while breaking the physical barrier. If she doesn’t have biceps even better because you can playfully tease her (another flirting technique – but please, this is not to be confused with negging). You can even suggest arm wrestling.

Does she have lovely hands? Let her know. Take it in yours and compliment her on her long fingers, soft skin, neat nails, gorgeous jewelry or cool tattoo. You can ask her if this is her favourite nail polish colour or you can ask her if the ring she is wearing is a family heirloom or if the tattoo she has on her wrist has a special significance for her. You aren’t just melting the ice but making conversation and showing interest in the details (which not enough guys do so if you do it you will stand out).

When you’re walking together you can offer your arm to her or put your hand on her lower back.
Hopefully there’s something in this list you’ll be comfortable doing. If you are not sure if she’s feeling you, do something super simple like tapping her hand when she says something funny or patting her arm when you see something on the menu you would like to bring her attention to. If you have any questions let me know in the comments below. Xo MD

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