I’m 19. My Year Long Relationship Has Been A Bumpy Ride! –


The love affair started in Grade 2, now they’re in college. Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt suggests…

Question: I’m 19 and I’m going through a bit with a relationship of mine. I was wondering if there would be any way for us to talk about how things could play out? I really really love this girl. I had a crush on her since Grade 2. I’m going into my second year of college, we’ve been dating for a year and 6 months and it’s been a bumpy ride!

Answer: First I just want to say thank you. I’ve had clients as young as 17 in Germany asking permission if they could work with me… It’s amazing that at 19 yrs old, my message resonates with you. I do believe challenges of the heart go beyond age, gender, culture etc. I’m sending you a humongous showering of love and believing in your badass nobility!

Of course we can talk… I’m sure you know I work privately one-on-one with clients. You can apply for a complimentary session if you’re ready to move forward with one of my private coaching packages at www.AllanaPratt.com/connect.

Given you’re in college it might be a wiser financial decision to be in my monthly men’s training call called The Mancave. This is an cost effective way to get Live laser coaching with me in a group of freaking bad ass amazing men from their early 20s to their late 60s.

First and foremost I want you to know that bumps in a relationship are natural, normal, healthy and meant to support you both in growing and evolving. All the Disneyland fairytale illusions that it’s the ‘right relationship’ if you never fight… It’s total BS. (Of course if there’s abuse, disrespect, cruelty… then leave.)

Relationships of longevity are ones where both people take full responsibility for their growth opportunities and treat each other with non-judgment, allowance and a boatload of appreciation.

Of course this is insanely difficult when your heart hurts!

Or if you close your heart and spin in your head!

Or if you don’t you’re worth and give away your power!

Or if you bump up against an area of pain (inner growth) and you don’t know what to do!

I am no different than you great young man. I need someone to see my blind spots. I have three coaches right now that support me spiritually, healthwise, and business. I couldn’t support my global group of clients if somebody didn’t have my back! All kings and queens have trusted advisors, yes? Everyone deserves a safe place to land 🙂

So until I learn more about what’s going on specifically that’s making this ride a particularly bumpy one, I invite you to join the monthly training call! There’s no obligation, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by joining us this month 😉

You can sign up here 🙂 The ManCave- where men become Kings. 

I’m confident this will support you in letting go of unhealthy control, dissolve of any unhealthy nice guy tendencies, connect you to your grounded, centered wisdom, and really discover practical ways to be a solid man that will make her surrender and open in gratitude for you.

Let’s do this.

Huge love and bold blessings, Allana xox

 

p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.

Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com

Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.

Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com

Photo: www.BigStock.com

Stone Cold Wrestling Advice for Your Marriage –


What can you learn about marriage from the rules of wrestling?

Lindsey and I have been married ten years, but it’s only been in the past five that we’ve learned the benefits of wrestling in our marriage. We’ve only recently started to lock arms and go toe-to-toe. We grab each other by the hair and we grapple and toss each other around the room in heated passion.

Okay, maybe not. Not exactly. But my name is Steve Austin and I have heard the jokes about my name for years, so why not?

For the first five years of marriage, Lindsey and I were stuck on pleasing one another and creating a marriage that didn’t look like our parents. We foolishly held everything inside.

For the first five years of marriage, Lindsey and I were stuck on pleasing one another and creating a marriage that didn’t look like our parents. We foolishly held everything inside. We never wrestled. We never ripped our shirts and smashed beer cans on our heads and jumped from the top rope. We never raised our voices or fought. We barely even argued. Facebook friends thought our relationship was perfect.

I wouldn’t go back to that place for anything.

You can learn a lot about relationships from the rules of wrestling (italics are mine).

  • Takedown: Points are scored for taking your opponent down to the mat.

Steve says: What if we humbled ourselves and got down low, serving our spouses, instead of coming at each other with a list of demands?

  • Escape: You score one point for getting away or getting to a neutral position when your opponent has you down on the mat.

Steve says: Sometimes the best thing is to take time to “cool down”. Don’t avoid the hard topics, but give yourself space. Once your emotions go down, your rational thinking will return. Then you can come back and talk as adults who care deeply for one another.

  • Reversal: You score two points when your opponent has you down on the mat and you come from underneath and gain control of your opponent.

Steve says: You won’t always win the argument, and that’s okay. The point isn’t winning or losing; the goal is mutual understanding and respect.

  • Near Fall: You get near fall points when you almost but not quite get your opponent pinned.

When things are heated and you’re mad as hell, there is nothing wrong with leaving the house, but always make it clear that you will be back.

Steve says: This is my favorite one. I’ve had one major near fall and so has Lindsey. Thankfully, the power of a second chance, marriage counseling, and really hard work has enabled us to wrestle through it and stay together.

Just like wrestling, there is protocol that must be followed in marriage. You can only wrestle within the confines of the mat and there are rules that should be followed to make the match (or the marriage) safe for each participant.

  • Illegal Holds: Each marriage is different. Only you can decide what is an “illegal hold” for you. Have fun! Life it up!  Make love!  But you should both mutually agree on what the “illegal holds” are and agree to keep them out of your relationship.
  • Fleeing the mat: When things are heated and you’re mad as hell, there is nothing wrong with leaving the house, but always make it clear that you will be back.
  • Locked or overlapped hands: Don’t kick them when they’re down. We all go through seasons and have tough times. Choose your battles and your timing wisely.
  • Flagrant Misconduct: Ejection, the match is over. Again, only you and your partner can decide what counts as “flagrant misconduct”.  No one else can tell you to leave him or leave her. You have to make that decision on your own after a whole lot of wrestling with God.

Is relationship coaching right for you? Click here to take the quiz! My wife and I have been through some really tough times in the past ten years, but learning the art of wrestling has made us stronger than ever.

Photos courtesy of the author.

My Teenager is Freaking Out That We’re Moving! –


“How can I get him on the same page and excited about the move?” Allana Pratt Intimacy Expert suggests…

Question: Allana, My youngest is entering high school next year and we just received military orders to move. He is FREAKING out! How can we get him on the same page? And excited about the move?

Answer: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! Of course they are freaking out! I totally get it!

While you are certainly not doing this on purpose, from their point of view you are absolutely destroying their WORLD given their whole WORLD is friends and girlfriends/ boyfriends at high school, yes?

Maybe you were different or maybe you just forget, yet can you see that potentially their entire identity is being navigated with friendships at school right now and you’re essentially pulling the rug out from their entire identity? Plus hormones are raging, they are wanting to fit in, they are nonstop on Snapchat doing their streaks… Yes?

Maybe that’s just my 14-year-old… And even though I may counsel him to determine his self-worth from the inside out and I may coach him not allow another’s opinion of him to make him lose his center… the truth is it’s a hard time. He’s come into my room several nights distraught because of the way girls have treated him when he was doing his best to speak his truth.

I’m not saying don’t move.

Don’t worry 😉

I’m not saying that your move is even a bad thing!

It’s just that your teenager can’t hear you until you GET him or her.

I would pour 100% of your focus into understanding them, getting them, acknowledging them, validating them, listening to them, honoring their feelings… I didn’t say you had to agree or change your plans… Just let them feel that their feelings matter TO YOU without trying to change them.

For a week or so, just that that be enough. Exhale. No agenda. Just be with them.

As soon as you do that, the pushing stops and I think your teenager will be able to listen better to the new possibilities of the move. They still might not be happy about it, maybe until grade 10! Yet if you honor their process, I imagine that they will at least start to focus on what’s right about the move, what’s the gift in the move and your connection will have returned.

Perhaps you can think back and remember a time when you were a teenager and something didn’t go your way… a time when you resisted and reacted and got super upset so that your teenager feels like you get it. And then hopefully you can tell a story of how you eventually embraced the change even if it was reluctantly at first, and amazing new miracles began to unfold.

Maybe it’s a time to talk about trusting the Universe and that life doesn’t always turn out the way we wanted and yet there’s a bigger plan and a Force that is taking care of us and guiding us towards our greatest expression and fulfillment.

While I am an Intimacy and Relationship coach, I’m also a single mom who has my own parenting coach because all of us need support from time to time, yes?

Intimacy to me is all about honesty, trust, vulnerability, telling the truth and being real… I really think that’s all that’s required here. Then I believe things will begin to flow.

I’d love to be a support for your teenager and/or your family during this time of change… for the skillset of handling change with grace will support you, your son and your family for decades to come. You can apply for a complementary strategy session with me to see if you are a fit for me to guarantee the results of flow and connection and ease and togetherness in your family now and years to come by applying at www.allanapratt.com/connect

Thank you for being willing to take 2 steps back so you can take 10 steps forward. What if not only the move, but also your son’s reaction is the gift that your soul requires to take your relationship, marriage, family and future to the next level?

Huge love, Allana xox

 

p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.

Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com

Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.

Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com

Photo: www.BigStock.com

The PAINFUL Way Cheating Affects The Cheater –


No matter how you look at it, the bottom line is cheating affects the cheater and all the important people in their life.

The one who was betrayed isn’t the only victim of cheating.

The betrayal of infidelity hurts. The cheater’s actions hurt the spouse who was betrayed, their children, their families, close friends, and even their community.

But these aren’t the only people infidelity hurts. Cheating hurts the cheater too.

You’re probably wondering how cheating could possibly hurt the one doing the betraying because they’re the one who is apparently doing what they want without caring how it impacts anyone else.

How cheating affects the cheater is profound. Her/his actions hurt them, their marriages, and all their other important relationships.

Despite the initial thrill of an affair, cheating can negatively affect the cheater emotionally. It’s common for them to feel anxiety, guilt, shame, worry, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and self-loathing when they contemplate how their actions impact those they love and why they cheated in the first place.

When they think about and experience how their actions impact them they feel the sting and anguish of their poor judgment.

All of these thoughts swirling through their heads and the rollercoaster of their emotions can lead cheaters to live two completely different lives while the affair continues. One where they feel the addictive ecstasy of love and one where they feel hatred.

Of course, living these two polar-opposite lives puts extreme stress not only on themselves, but on their marriage too. Their spouse may not have all the facts, but chances are good that they can tell there’s something going on.

And when the spouse does discover the truth, they will feel pain to their core as they rightfully wonder what part of the relationship with their wayward spouse was real and what part was a lie.

As the betrayed spouse struggles to figure this out, they will lash out at the cheater both directly and indirectly as they come to terms with the betrayal. The cheater will feel the brunt of their anger and distrust which may become abusive.

Being on the receiving end of the pain their spouse is suffering because of the cheating can easily become too much for the straying spouse.

At one extreme, they may deny their responsibility for causing the pain and blame their spouse for forcing them to cheat. At the other extreme, they may feel they deserve the punishment, accept it as just, and live out the rest of their lives as a mere shadow of their true selves.

Then again, their spouse isn’t the only person in their lives who will judge them. There are plenty of others in the cheater’s life who will look down upon them for their actions – their in-laws, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers and even their children.

How cheating affects the cheater is complicated and painful.

If you’re considering betraying your spouse, my hope is this information has given you pause.

If you’ve already begun an affair, my hope is this information will give you the courage to begin thinking about the cost of your affair.

In either case, your marriage is in trouble and it’s time for you to get clear about what you’re willing to do to change your marriage for the better or to take the necessary steps to end it.

No matter how you look at it, the bottom line is cheating affects the cheater and all the important people in their life.

Originally Published on DrKarenFinn.com

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Photo: Pixabay

I Need My Space From My GF! –


“When I bring it up, she starts crying. I can’t breathe!” Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt suggests…

Question: I need my space from my girlfriend! When I bring it up she starts crying because she thinks I’m ending it. I’m not ending it. I just can’t breathe! Saying this just makes her defensive. What gives?

Answer: My goodness how disconcerting for you that every time you bring it up she starts crying thinking that you are ending it! It must feel like you’re walking on a land mine unable to speak your truth but not wanting to hurt her also! I suppose it’s possible that you have absolutely no finesse, tact or graciousness in your communication… but I doubt that 😉

I wonder if something has happened to her in the past where she was abandoned or left in a very traumatic way that makes her overly sensitive to the point of defensiveness. This would mean it’s not personal at all and you could approach her with great compassion and certainty.

Curious, what is it that she’s doing from which you need space? What is she doing that’s making you feel suffocated? What was attractive about her in the beginning but now feels like you can’t breathe?

I know you know this… it’s super easy to blame the other and challenging to take full responsibility for our part in something. Given you’re the one reaching out, not her, I can only coach you my friend. Is it possible that in the beginning you felt important, special, appreciated, adored in a way that really filled up a part of your empty heart… But now it’s way too much, you feel smothered and don’t know how to create the space you desire?

Or is it that you saw this behavior in her all along and had pity for her xo you didn’t bring it up? Or you didn’t have the strength to tell yourself the truth that she didn’t have the same workable dynamic of togetherness and apartness that you believe makes a healthy relationship?

And is it a pattern that women crying make you give away your power? Did your mom do that? Do you have difficulty sitting in the fire and weathering the storm of a woman’s emotions? Do you have difficulty not taking things personally and need to jump in and fix things rather than breathe and navigate intense emotions while staying connected to your partner?

I wish we were on the phone Live together so that I could get some feedback on all these questions I’m asking of you! One solution to begin with so you can get clearer about what’s true for you… because from that place of clarity you will be able to communicate with her in a nonjudgmental allowing manner… would be my complementary training How To Be A Noble Badass found at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
That’s going to give relief but I’ll be honest, not lasting change. What will create lasting change is either private coaching sessions with me or my phenomenal Group Coaching program called Heart Splayed wide-open that does not begin until this December 2017. You can sign up now to receive the Complimentary 4 Video Online Workshop offered before the Group Program that’s filled with 3 profound healing intimacy processes. That’s at www.AllanaPratt.com/soul-shaking 

Bottom line great man…

Does she mean a lot to you?

Does having a healthy conscious thriving relationship mean a lot to you?

Is it a priority to have a woman who fuels your purpose, allows you plenty of freedom while awakening the most noble part of you?

It is important to you to learn how to be with a woman’s emotions and instead of getting her defensive, being able to build intimacy and deepen connection?

Honestly a series of six healing coaching calls would be a fantastic relationship gift for the two of you, so that each of you can do your inner work and come together stronger than ever.

I can’t imagine she feels very good knowing that you can’t breathe around her…

Let’s get to the place where her radiance literally fuels your masculine grandeur… where both of you are better for the journey 🙂

Great love, Allana xoxo

 

p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.

Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com

Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.

Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com

Photo: www.BigStock.com