50 Shades of Widow – Sex & Dating Post-Loss


It was 1991 when Salt-n-Pepa’s hit song, “Let’s Talk About Sex” blasted from radios across the country. Sex. It’s often a taboo subject in the widowed community. People think we shouldn’t be dating, let alone having sex. Heck, at times, even we feel guilty for getting our freak on.

Whether a widow is waiting to remarry or opts to engage in a “friends with benefits” situation, sex is often thought about, though seldom discussed.

I recently reached out to the widowed community and asked them to openly and honestly discuss this three letter word that’s been known to get widows in heated exchanges (no pun intended). Below, they share some of the unusual and eye-opening aspects of sex and intimacy post-loss:

Unleash the Libido

  •  I feel like my sex drive has become over the top. My partner and I have sex at least once a day to two times a day
  • My sex drive went up. With my husband, 2-3 times a week I was happy. Now, I want it like 7 times a week!
  • Before my husband died, my drive was almost gone. Now it’s over the top! I get cranky if I don’t get anything at least twice a week. I would like it more but with kids, that’s almost impossible.
  • I now have a crazy high libido that made me consider (but never follow through with thankfully) friends with benefits or even just a fling with a stranger. I dubbed myself a “celibate nympho.”
  • The days following my husband’s death I felt absolutely nothing…except for horny. I was walking around in a cloud of numbness and profound pain and ALL I wanted to do was to get screwed by a massive and muscular man. This sensation was odd and confusing to me, but it slowly passed. Three months out I still get hit with waves of high libido and an urge for physical connection, but I let them flow through me. I know I could find someone to help me meet my physical needs, but I am choosing, for now, to sit with it and let myself process these feelings.

 Watch Out! Older Women on the Prowl

  • My sex drive is in overdrive and I’ve experimented with different races. I’ve definitely become a cougar. I’ve only been with much younger men since my husband passed.
  • I’ve turned into a cougar. I tried not to, but I just can’t help it!
  • My inner cougar is on overdrive though I’ve calmed down considerably recently.
  • I’ve found that guys who are 10 years younger are showing interest and that is definitely a bump in the ego.

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The Wait will be Great

  • I’m saving myself for that special someone. Offers are there, just not interested.
  • I know I will be ready for a relationship in the coming months, but for now, I’m okay learning from these desires and urges as I process this profound and unexpected loss.
  • I fell in love with a man who had been an acquaintance for years. I am incredibly drawn to him and it was like losing my virginity all over again. He was patient with me and the end result is a very active and much more satisfying sex life.
  • My drive skyrocketed almost immediately after my husband died, which is unfortunate since my morals require I wait until marriage. It’s been 16 months and it hasn’t let up. I’m dating again and let’s just say I’m half tempted to find one of those drive-thru wedding places so we don’t even have to get out of the car on the way to a hotel.

 Who Says You Can’t Learn New Tricks

  • Rough sex and BDSM (bondage, dominance, submission, and masochism) are definitely in the repertoire now in a way they weren’t before. My late hubby was not into hurting me physically. My Boyfriend and I have a mutual enjoyment out of playing the pleasure/pain games.
  • I feel more confident than ever before, which makes sex more exciting. It’s very freeing. Losing my spouse made me approach everything in life with sort of a “f–k it” attitude (no pun intended).
  • I’ve started trying new things (kinks, fetishes, whatever). I never realized before that I like pain…not like cervix punching pain though.
  • Being a woman of “mature” age I was surprised at my curiosity in trying new things (some pleasant and some not so pleasant). I was 46 when my spouse was killed and I’m 54 now.
  • I definitely enjoy rougher sex now. I can do it without too much emotional attachment but I could do that before my late husband too. It’s just back. I have great orgasms but this may be due to reaching sexual peak more than anything else.
  • I’ve become a connoisseur of vibrators.
  • There is more intensity for sure. The passion in sex has really heightened with my current partner and I am much more sensitive to touch than I used to be; not sure why.
  • I learned that I actually enjoyed sex! I became the aggressor and am now unafraid to say what I want. Death taught me life is too short to wait around for things to happen. If you want it YOU have to go for it!

Regrets, I Have a Few

  • I had a one night stand at nine months and it was horrible. I cried for days afterwards. I waited until the 14-month mark to have sex again, with the guy I was dating.
  • I waited a year and a half before sleeping with someone after my husband. It was like losing my virginity all over again. Then, I engaged in some reckless behavior for a few months (made it out unscathed thank God)…. felt guilty, took a few months to get myself together, jumped back into it with a clearer head and made better choices.
  • I used sex, abusive sex for a couple of years post-loss because I thought I deserved to be treated that way because my husband took his own life.
  • I started dating three months post-loss and had a fair amount of sex trying to fill the void. Luckily I ended up with a guy who helped me see love and acceptance in all of the relationship, not just sex.
  • Un-character like, I had a lot of sex with several partners to seek and satisfy validation of many things, which I am not proud of.
  • I definitely had a heightened libido and I affectionately called this as my “hoe phase”. Ultimately I realized I needed more of a connection than just the physical.

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Doesn’t Everyone Have a “Special Friend”…Or Two…or Three

  • I’ve been surprised by my ability to have sex with no strings attached. As a woman, it’s frowned upon but… why? I’m always safe and take care of myself so why can’t I enjoy sex with someone I just met or sex that won’t mean anything tomorrow?
  • I come from a very conservative religious background where sex is ONLY between a husband and wife. Losing my husband so suddenly, I find I am a bit rebellious towards my upbringing/religion/values. I decided to make up my own mind about what I want. This has included becoming sexually active with someone other than my husband. Surprisingly, I don’t carry much guilt. Even more surprising, I have had the best sex of my life with someone who is NOT my husband. I bought into the whole “You have to love someone to connect with them” attitude towards sex but as it turns out, I have had mind-blowing sex with someone I don’t love.
  • My sex drive has always been high but after not having sex a year and a half post-loss, I made up for it. There was lots of meaningless sex with partners I would never have chosen previously.
  • I knew I was not ready to date or be in a relationship so I tried a more casual approach. I have never done this before. At first I was horrified at my behavior but came to realize if it’s mutually beneficial than I am good with casual. In my pre-widow life id never have considered this!
  • My inner hedonist is dancing gleefully around shaking her ta-tas. It has to be shining out of me, too. The Home Depot guy gave me the “veterans discount” on my new freezer (I’m not a veteran), and another man tripped into a door because he kept trying to look at me. I’ve got a booty call scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, and let’s just say that I made a very, very good friend last night. It’s a huge confidence booster to know I still got the ol’ mojo and as long as we keep it safe, what’s the harm in it?

Remind Me…What’s Sex Again

  • I’m like a virgin again after 5+ years…well, kind of. I wish I could let my guard down and be more free-spirited.
  • I couldn’t care less if I ever have sex again. I’m fine with that. I do miss the physical touch sometimes but massage therapy takes care of that.
  • I have no interest. I no longer feel pretty or attractive and have no desire at all to have sex.
  • I used to have sex three times a day sometimes but since my spouse’s death, I can’t even think it. I am 15 months out and I feel so repulsed that I don’t think I could even get off if I tried with someone else. It’s weird. My husband wasn’t the only guy I have been with either. I just feel dead on every level. I wish I could be the exact opposite of what I feel, cause this is crap too. I am literally angry about it.

Regardless of the route you choose, hopefully, you’ll learn that you’re not alone and only you can determine what you want your sex life to look like post-loss – or if you even want to have one. Perhaps this widow summed it up best when she said, “There is no right or wrong way. It’s just a journey and we all have to find our way”.

Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry Phillips became widowed at age 32. She runs an online support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a blogger for The Huffington Post.



I Prefer Monogamy, But I Don’t Want to Miss Out on Being Single –


 

To submit a question, please complete this form. Anonymity guaranteed.

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(Question has been modified for space and clarity.)

I want to embrace being single, but every girl I’m with, I’m constantly evaluating if there’s the potential for a relationship. I can’t even enjoy a female friendship without analyzing if they’re attracted to me, or if I am to them. I know I prefer monogamy, but I wonder if I’m missing out, and that fear is screwing with my head. Any ideas for how to handle this?

–Rubix 0817; Binghamton, NY

I have always been close with my mom and dad.

We’re not just parent and son; we’re actually friends. And as friends do, we see many things the same way, from the virtue of Baskin Robbins to the awkward brilliance of Larry David.

But one dynamic on which we’ve never seen eye to eye is dating.

In my parents’ day, as they’ve described it, dating was more about the journey than the destination.

Few people had boyfriends or girlfriends, while the majority maintained free agent status, allowing them to go out with one person one night and another person the next.

This wasn’t a big deal because each date wasn’t a big deal. It was just what you did on a Friday or Saturday, in the same way my generation hung out in big groups.

And a date’s significance seldom extended beyond that evening’s curfew.

Relationships often didn’t get serious, or even exclusive, until a deeper commitment was at stake.

Case in point: My mom was still dating another guy when she got engaged to my dad.

She was “The Bachelorette” before Chris Harrison was ever born.

So when it was my turn to start dating, my parents implored me to not take things so seriously, to keep my options open and meet as many girls as I could.

But I couldn’t do it.

Their advice made sense rationally. But emotionally, I wasn’t built for it.

I was just like you, Rubix.

Whenever I’d meet a girl, no matter what the circumstances were, I’d assess if there could be a future with her. If I thought there might be, I’d do everything possible to pursue it. I couldn’t just cast those feelings aside.

I didn’t want to be with more than one girl at a time, because I wanted nothing more than to fall in love.

And thankfully, I did. Eventually.

You can too.

But that doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy or have your head screwed with until you do.

It is possible to make the most of where you are now, while still keeping an eye on where you want to go.

Here’s how…

TREASURE YOUR FREEDOM

Audrey: You just make jokes about relationships because you wish you could have one.

Russell: I am a little bit jealous, you’re right. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and do whatever I feel like doing, all the time.

That exchange comes from the underrated sitcom, “Rules of Engagement,” which starred, among others, “Seinfeld’s” David Puddy as a financial manager and David Spade as the aforementioned Russell, the group’s fifth wheel whose romantic conquests mirrored those of the actor who played him.

(Did you know Spade dated the likes of Heather Locklear, Jillian Barberie and Claire from “Modern Family”?)

While you might be wrestling with the jealousy Audrey’s talking about, don’t discount the freedom Russell references.

As a single guy, you are master of your domain.

You can do anything you want. You can go anywhere you want, when you want, with whom you want.

Don’t take that for granted, because when you get what you want — a relationship — you won’t be able to.

Obviously, when you’re committed to someone, you’re not the sole decision-maker.

I’ve been married for two years and in a relationship for nearly nine. And there are times I do things out of obligation/respect for my wife, Emily, just as she does for me.

And I’m happy to do so. My investment’s return far, far exceeds the buy-in.

I do not miss the freedom I had as a single guy. Really, I don’t. (Maybe because I don’t have kids.)

But I’m glad I appreciated it when I had it.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS

A different girl every night.

That’s the single guy’s dream, right?

For many, yes.

But for you, it’s not. You’re wired for monogamy. And there’s no need for you to fight that.

I’m wired the same way.

Admittedly, my wiring was likely installed as a defense mechanism. I had enough trouble getting one date a month, much less two in the same weekend.

But even during the one stretch when I dated around, I never felt at ease.

I’d just moved to Washington, DC, meaning I was finally in a city where there were girls who I, a) hadn’t gone out with, and b) hadn’t been rejected by.

I had a clean slate. And for about a month, I tried to make the most of it.

But it wasn’t long until my monogamous mindset was validated.

While there’s something to be said for companionship, I never saw value in going out with someone just to have someone to go out with.

What was the point?

Once I knew I wasn’t ending up with a girl, I had no interest in seeing her again.

And I knew that if I continued seeing her, one of two things would happen:

I’d dump her.

Or…

I’d get dumped by someone I never liked in the first place.

Is that what you’re afraid of missing out on?

EMBRACE THE CHASE

As foreign as my mom and dad’s approach always felt to me, I now question if it also was rooted in genius.

By the time they were 23 and 24, respectively, they were happily married.

Granted, that was how it worked back then. You met someone, you got married and you started a family. Quickly.

There were no gap years, no sabbaticals, no taking time to get to know yourself.

My parents hardly took time to get to know each other.

They’ll tell you that. They’ll tell you they barely knew each other when they got engaged, and that their ensuing 45 years of marriage (and counting) were largely born out of luck.

But I believe it was more than that.

All that dating they did, it paid dividends. It had to. They might not have been aware of it, but it helped dial in their radars. It got their compasses tuned toward true north.

And when they might the right person, they knew it, even if only on a subconscious level.

You have the chance to gain this same expertise.

Instead of viewing the single life as a burden, view it as an opportunity — to experience new people, to figure out what you like and don’t like, to meet the girl you’ve been waiting to meet.

It’s all a process. And with the right attitude, it can be a fun — and fulfilling — one.

The more you’re willing to commit to the present, the more likely you are to find a future worth committing to.

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Need more advice? Check out the most recent installments:

My Wife Doesn’t Think I’m Masculine Enough

Healing a Broken Heart—While Hanging Out With the Person Who Broke It

Sex Isn’t The Answer

Man’s Search for Meaning

Lending Millenials a Helping Hand

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5 Ways We Screw Up Unconditional Love –


 

Thomas Fiffer wants you to get unconditional love right, so you don’t break your heart trying.

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Unconditional love is presented as the purest form of love, the gold standard, the summit of bliss we’re all trying reach. 

There’s this thing everyone talks about called unconditional love. You hear about it from people who seem to have good relationships. You see it plastered all over Facebook. Unconditional love is presented as the purest form of love, the gold standard, the summit of bliss we’re all trying reach. And you begin to think, if I could just learn to love my partner unconditionally, or better yet, if I could find someone to love me unconditionally, I would be supremely happy.

Because I want you to be supremely happy, I’m calling bullshit on unconditional love.

Because I want you to be supremely happy, I’m calling bullshit on unconditional love. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist. But it doesn’t mean what you think it does, nor does your supreme happiness depend on it. So let’s correct some major misunderstandings. Because if you try to love unconditionally and you get it wrong, you will be miserable. Supremely miserable. And you won’t be doing your partner any favors either. You’ll be creating a relationship in which you tolerate and enable hurtful behavior that doesn’t serve either one of you. Here are five things I’ve learned about loving unconditionally that you can put into practice for better, healthier relationships. When you practice these yourself and expect them from your partner, your understanding of love will change, and your whole life will change with it.

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The power to love, to give love, and to walk away from love always resides with you. 

1. Unconditional love is not an obligation; it’s a choice. Loving your partner unconditionally doesn’t mean loving—or staying—no matter what. The power to love, to give love, and to walk away from love always resides with you. If someone abuses you, or is cruel to you or your children, holds you back in life, or consistently trashes your sense of well-being, you’re not obligated to stay or to keep giving your love to that person. You may still harbor a kind of love for this scoundrel in your heart—a love that keeps a safe distance—but you are not required to leave yourself vulnerable to emotional or physical harm. Saying no to hurtful behavior is not setting a condition for love. It’s simply saying I love myself first, and I refuse to abandon my self-love to indulge in the love of another who hurts me. Some people do choose to remain in relationships that don’t bring them happiness or worse, bring them harm. Justifying this choice with the excuse of, “But I’m obligated to love unconditionally,” perpetuates powerlessness and a victim mentality. Choosing to be with a person who respects you, honors you, treats you with kindness, and enriches your life is actually the first step to loving unconditionally; it prepares the ground for unconditional love to flourish.

You can demand—and accept—your partner’s apology, but you don’t have to forgive unconditionally, meaning without defined expectations for future behavior.

2. Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional forgiveness. Your partner does something that pisses you off—big time. Or repeats the same mistake twice, or five times. Or says something that’s, well, unforgivable. Unconditional love doesn’t mean you let it go. You can demand—and accept—your partner’s apology, but you don’t have to forgive unconditionally, meaning without defined expectations for future behavior, in order to love unconditionally. In fact, calling your partner on his or her crap, not accepting lame excuses, and refusing to be a doormat is a higher form of love than forgiving everything to keep the peace. First, it challenges your partner to a higher standard of behavior, which is in the best interest of the relationship. And second, it enables your relationship to grow by ensuring that you and your partner learn from your mistakes. Relationship dynamics do not remain static, and sometimes, the way partners interact with each other needs to shift for the relationship to improve. Unconditional love requires you not only to allow but also to enable that shift by making your forgiveness meaningful and real.

“I love my partner unconditionally” doesn’t mean you love that person with some mystical purity that transcends your everyday interaction. Instead, it means that in every interaction, you come from a place of love.

3. Unconditional love is not a kind of love but a way of loving. If you’re a parent, you know that you can love your child and simultaneously hate what that child does. Your child’s horrible behavior doesn’t make you stop loving your kid; but it does compel you to treat your child differently in the moment and respond appropriately with corrective action. So to say, “I love my partner unconditionally” doesn’t mean you love that person with some mystical purity that transcends your everyday interaction. Instead, it means that in every interaction, you come from a place of love. That place of love means you act respectfully and treat your partner as an equal. That place of love means you don’t judge or try to control. And that place of love means you don’t hit below the belt and use your partner’s vulnerability against him or her. Those are the conditions you don’t violate.

A boundary is not a condition you set that says, I’ll only love you if you do x, or I won’t love you if you do y. A boundary is nothing more than a healthy understanding of your own value and of what behaviors value and devalue you.

4. Unconditional love has boundaries. To understand this, it helps to understand the value of boundaries and that boundaries are not selfish. A boundary is not a condition you set that says, I’ll only love you if you do x, or I won’t love you if you do y. A boundary is nothing more than a healthy understanding of your own value and of what behaviors value and devalue you. While it is necessary in some cases, particularly in high-conflict relationships, to attach consequences (such as leaving) to the violation of a boundary, in an unconditional love relationship consequences are not needed. The consequence is the impact to the feelings of the person you love whose boundary you have crossed. If your partner knows that coming home late without calling makes you feel unappreciated and disrespected, your partner can choose not to engender those feelings in you, because he or she doesn’t want you to feel them. Setting a boundary is making your feelings known, and respecting a boundary is making a choice to respect your partner’s feelings and making that choice from love rather than fear of retribution. Failing to express clear boundaries sets up a dysfunctional dynamic in which partners cross lines and cause pain unintentionally, then suffer the angry reaction to the offense—a pattern of interaction that erodes love over time.

Unconditional love is a mutually supportive dynamic in which both partners pull each other up to the healthiest way of loving and neither partner tears the other down.

5. Unconditional love is not one-way. If you love your partner unconditionally, as described above, but your partner doesn’t love you the same way, it isn’t unconditional love—it’s damaging self-sacrifice. Similarly, you need to hold yourself to the same standard you expect from your partner and that your partner adheres to. Unconditional love is a mutually supportive dynamic in which both partners pull each other up to the healthiest way of loving and neither partner tears the other down. Many people get stuck in unhealthy, self-destructive relationships because they think that applying the healing salve of what they believe is unconditional love to a difficult or even abusive person will change that person into the partner they desire. Trust me. It doesn’t work. Despite our conscience and sense of morality, the human animal tends to do exactly what it can get away with. No more, no less. Your one-way unconditional love will never heal or change your partner. It will only change you into a bitter and resentful person. Demanding that your partner love you in a healthy, respectful, reciprocal way—which sounds like setting a condition but is actually recognizing your own self-worth—is the only way to improve your relationship.

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I don’t know what you thought unconditional love was, but I’m betting it wasn’t this. I know when I first fell in love, I thought it was something different, and it took a long time and a lot of pain for me to learn these truths. So I share them with you as an act of love, a gift forged in the crucible of my suffering. Because love isn’t supposed to hurt. Abandoning yourself, sacrificing your happiness, stifling your true character, and giving up your dreams is not unconditional love. It’s unconditional surrender. It’s ceding the territory of your joy before the first shot is even fired. To achieve intimacy, you do need to take off your armor. But always remember, your heart is sacred ground.

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For more of Thomas G. Fiffer’s writing on love, check out his book, What Is Love? A Guide for the Perplexed to Matters of the Heart, on Amazon.

Learning to be Fearless with Attractive Women –


If you want to get someone’s interest, you have to let go of you nervousness. This week, we’re going to talk about how to talk to hot women without fear.

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Click on the link to for the podcast recording.

When you’re talking to someone you think is hot – whether you’re hoping to get a phone number or a date, to practice your flirting or lay the groundwork for future interactions, it can feel like you’re having to juggle while riding a unicycle. And the unicycle is on a tightrope. And the tightrope is also on fire.

You’re trying to do a dozen things at once – you want to be witty and funny because you want them to laugh but you are also trying to be a bit flirty because you want them to like you and you’re also desperately trying to gauge how they’re responding to you so you’re looking for any clue about how you’re doing and you’re also trying to think about what you’re going to say next because the last thing you want to do is let that awkward moment of silence crop up and make everything uncomfortable.

If you want to get someone’s interest, you have to learn how to talk to them without freaking out. This week, we’re going to talk about what it takes to learn to talk to hot women without fear.

Show Highlights:

  • Why your brain locks up talking to women you’re attracted to
  • The psychological trick that gets people interested in you almost immediately
  • Why trying to impress her is going to backfire on you
  • The best questions to ask to create an instant connection
  • One simple trick to make talking to women feel effortless

…and so much more.

Related Links:

How To Make Small Talk (For People Who Hate Small Talk)

Instant Charisma

The Art of the Cold Approach Pt. 1

How To Tell Stories

Five Secrets To Make People Like You

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes and on Stitcher.

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.doctornerdlove.com/books

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How to Deal With a Girlfriend with A Higher Sex Drive Than Yours –


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Couples of all sorts frequently encounter hurdles in their relationship, be they physical, emotional, or mental. Few things can be more frustrating for a relationship, however, than dealing with a girlfriend who has a higher sex drive than you. So what exactly should a couple do when they run into this problem, and what common pitfalls should they avoid?

Sex is a natural and healthy part of any human relationship, but the differences in you and your partner’s preferences may drive you over the edge if they’re not properly managed. By following the advice below, you can overcome some of the challenges facing you and your girlfriend in and out of the bedroom.

Discussing your relationship openly.

The first step toward solving any problem in the bedroom is by approaching it openly and honestly, which means you and your girlfriend will need to set some time apart to be together and go over your differences in private. Establishing free time to talk in a place where you’re both comfortable is a must before you can hope to iron out the wrinkles in your relationship.

It’s perfectly normal to have different preferences, even large ones, with your couple when it comes to the bedroom. The natural solution to many of the problems encountered in most relationships is to establish what your differences are first, and then to finely delineate between both of your needs and your wants. For your relationship to thrive well into the future, one partner’s wants cannot impede on another’s needs.

It can be easy for couples to resort to the blame game, or to take issues like this, which revolve around sexuality, far too personally. Be sure that you and your partner both understand that a situation such as this can be uncomfortable, but that there’s no need for spiteful words or thoughts, as you’re only trying to genuinely clean up a dark spot in your relationship.

If you think your difference in the bedroom could be an indicator of broader problem or problems in your relationship, don’t be afraid to bring it up for fear of loss. Talking to one another honestly and freely when it comes to intimate issues like this is a must if you’re to build empathy, which is needed for any loving relationship to last.

Sync your sex drives.

Getting the stars to align in the bedroom is by no means easy, but by taking some steps to sync your sex drives, you and your partner can get on the same page as one another. This may mean taking some extra time to plan your schedules – if you’re both intensely busy with work or school, for instance, it’s vitally important that you block off both personal time and time spent with your partner so you can both recharge and connect.

Sex therapists have already harped heavily on the benefits of syncing your sex drives, which can increase libido if one partner isn’t feeling comfortable or help another, overly-eager partner temper their urges. An individual’s sexuality is almost always an intricately complicated thing, so don’t be afraid to unpack your preferences with your girlfriend in detail (provided you’re both comfortable with it) to strengthen the bond between the two of you.

A necessary part of this is taking what your partners says at face value – if they say they’re not in the mood, it should be understood that you shouldn’t be pushing the issue. Make this clear to both parties in the relationship so that no one is being unfairly forced into something they don’t want to do, or feel as if they have to meet their partner’s higher sex drive out of an obligation to them.

There’s much more to the female sex drive than mere hormones, something a surprisingly large amount of partners can forget. Take some time to educate yourself with reliable information outside of the bedroom to better bridge the gap between you inside of it.

Recognize that some divides can’t be bridged.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when dealing with differing sex drives between partners is that some people are simply different than others, and your preferences may be irreconcilable with your partners. This doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship, of course – by compromising based on the specifics of your situation, you can settle on a schedule where you get the best of both worlds, and both partners make a sacrifice for the benefit of the other.

Maintaining an open and honest partnership where one partner isn’t doing something unhappily out of obligation is critical for your relationship to thrive.

A girlfriend with a higher sex drive than you don’t spell the end of your time together – it just means you need to sit down and work out the differences to enjoy your time in the bedroom all the more.

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